Friday, June 1, 2012

Middle ground

The beginning and the end of most things, are beautiful. At the beginning your eyes are wide with the gleaming hope of the future and the endless possibilities ahead. At the end, you have gained an understanding and an appreciation for all of the things that have sprung up and grown from your hard work. You finally see the completion of one big dream or the culmination of a million little dreams and you are left with a full heart and a confident spirit. Its that middle, transitionary phase however, that can be a little tricky. Its hard to stay focused and move forward while blindly trying to find your way in a place of so many unknowns. I feel like that is the place where Bryan and I are right now. We are working toward stability and finding a home that is a perfect place to raise our family. We are weighing the future possibilities in our careers and  shuffling through new possibilities of new careers. We are waiting for God to bless us with another child. We are waiting to hear his voice and direction and working to trust in his plan for our future. Its proven a little hard to weed through what is alright to spend our time working toward and what is just our selfish ambition getting in the way. For me, trusting God with the desires of my heart has been difficult at points. I look back at the time when we found out I was pregnant with Marley. We were newlyweds still trying to figure out our relationship and where we were even going to live that month. The last thing we expected was that we were going to be blessed with the task of bringing a baby into the world. Now I wouldn't ever look back and doubt Gods plan for a second because  I see how perfectly orchestrated it was. His timing was impeccable, the child he blessed us with is perfect in every way and the unity he brought to our marriage along the way is immeasurable. I just find it funny that God decided to give us a child on our honeymoon night when we have spent what seems like ages of our married lives pleading in prayer for another child. I know he is in the process of teaching me something but right when I think I have given him full control of my life, that overwhelming desire for a child creeps up on me and replaces my trust in him with so much fear. Right now I'm just in the middle. I cant see the end and I cant see his plan.  I'm fumbling in the dark and straining to hear his voice and his direction but i know this stage in life will be attributed to so much growth and refinement later on. This month has been a month of a few broken expectations, but thank the Lord they are being broken. I welcome this change with open arms because its only when you lose your expectations that you are able to fully let go and let God do his work. Before long you realize that he gave you more than you ever dreamed and more than you ever expected. This month was also super fun and active. We had a mothers day picnic and photo shoot with family, lots of beach trips, bike rides, mommy and me swim days, a spa day with my mom, walks around our neighborhood lake, healthy home cooked meals, a memorial day pool party, naps in the shade and quiet hours in the library. My dad made Marley her first big girl bed and we moved her room into a big spacious room with a view. Marley Girl, you are one spoiled and looovvvveddd little girl. 

We ended the month with a few little fun moments with friends and a fun trip to Palm Springs. We are heading into June running full speed ahead. Bryan is more busy than he knows what to do with and I have more clients on the books than ever before. Here we go! Oh and June... try to be gentle! Here is a video of our May!
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