God designed that 9 months of pregnancy as a perfect preparation process for motherhood. The sickness starts and this little alien takes over our bodies and make us tired and swollen and we really begin to realize that our lives aren't our own anymore... we're given a tiny glimpse into what it means to become a mom. Because I decided not to have a DNC and just let the miscarriage take its natural course, my body has taken a little while to adjust and now and then I still feel some of those crazy alien feelings. I think through losing something that I wanted so much I've gained a deeper appreciation for the entire process of pregnancy, healthy babies and on an even greater level, its made me really consider the blessing of children and what it means to be a mom. This is what Ive learned in the two short years that I've been one:
Moms are wired and genetically dispositioned to begin a giving process that is exactly selfless by definition. We begin to realize that these little people who call our name, make demands, lose control and need, need, need will someday soon be gone. But being a mom isn’t only about sacrifice, work or being unappreciated. What not many can understand unless they are a mother themselves is that sometimes just smelling your baby’s hair is enough to make your body have a positive shift in endorphins. The way your child can do something that is so completely cute, funny and free that it makes you want to cry and rejoice in the fact that you were able just to witness it. Its about walking into your baby's room in the morning and seeing their crazy morning hair, their happy smiles, their amazing eyelashes that hit their cheeks whenever they blink, and their perfect innocent celebration of a brand new day. Being a mom means waiting, hurrying and slowing down all at once... and it means being completely stripped down to the child of your own past to undo, relearn or figure out how to do things right for your children as they grow up. To give them answers to the questions that you couldn’t answer for your self, to teach them the lessons that you wish you had learned and to demonstrate your flaws for the sake of their growth and betterment. Being a mom is not knowing - but feeling like as long as they are with you they are safe. Feeling like only you have the God given right to keep and maintain their safety. It is welling up with tears at the slightest sight of their pain because you know you would do anything to take it away, you would do anything to keep them safe and you would lose your life to save theirs. For so many women these days it means trading in some passions and inklings left over from the person you were before... but for me, it means appreciating all of the new passions that my baby girl (even though she's two i think ill always call her my baby) has given me. By giving up our self centered "fulfillment", we find that we are given an even greater fulfillment... and more importantly, we are carrying out what Christ has created us to do. Being a Godly mom means that we are the makers of men and the architects of the next generation. Its the highest and most noble pursuit of womanhood... and we forget that God has equipped every women for that very purpose. I know its a crazy ride, and Im thankful for the fellowship of other moms in my life to share our journey together and to encourage each other along the way.